swami rama - let the bud of life bloom

Focus on the process instead of the product.

Your child is engaged in a long- term process, characterized most typically by bursts or explosions of progress rather than steady, predictable and sequential steps. Our focus is on the developmental process, not on the product. In other works, there may be periods when the exterior manifestation if the child’s progress is minimal and not much is being produced on paper. This lack of physical evidence can cause anxiety in adults. Often, much is happening that we can not see on the surface, but when we remember to trust the child, as well as the training and expertise of the teachers, these fears can often diminish.


Observe your children.

Kahlil Gibran’s reminder that “your children are not your children: they are the sons and daughters of life’s longing for itself” is much quoted because it’s so basic yet so difficult to act upon. We want the best for our children and think we know what is best for them. Observing our children, getting to know who they are, not what we think they are or want them to be is the first step to understanding that “though they are with you, they belong not to you.”


Listen to, but don’t interview, your children.
It’s hard to remember that we are not entitled to know every detail of their lives. We must respect their need for privacy, even as we try to support them and keep them safe. Children feel better able to talk when they feel part of a dialogue, instead of an interrogation. Tell them what was best about your day; ask what was best about theirs. Find ways to share instead of asking them to account for themselves. The flow of their day at school is just that—a process, not a product—and it may be difficult for them to remember or name precisely what they did. Children are most likely to remember significant human interactions (“She’s not my friend anymore,”) rather than details of a lesson. They also remember social occasions—snack, lunch, and recess—with more clarity than tasks they were engaged in alone.

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